timeripple (timeripple) wrote in ichiband_weekly,

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Fic, Big Time Pet

Title: Big Time Pet
Pairing/Characters: 5*STAR, crossover guest
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for stuffy puppies and the potential uses of bandanas
A/N: For mousapelli, who wanted insane Big Time Rush crossover photoshoot fic. I-- I tried. I also decided that Hikari-chan was an acceptable translation of Sparky. Um. "Stuffy" and "puppy" don't look like real words any more. XD Happy Birthday, Mousi. snowqueenofhoth betaed even though she has a massive kanji test tomorrow, and she says happy birthday too. ♥

“No,” said Goto flatly. He squared his shoulders in a vain attempt at leaderly firmness. “Sakurai, tell them why we can’t have a puppy.”

But Sakurai was on the other side of the dressing room, wholly absorbed in the text message he was sending in the precious few moments before the photoshoot started. So it was Goto who got the full force of Tsukioka’s big pleading eyes and Adachi’s pouty lower lip.

“Awww, come on, Leader,” whined Tsukioka.

“It would be adorable,” said Adachi, pouting harder.

“No,” Goto said again. “And stop with the big eyes,” he added feebly. Tsukioka and Adachi exchanged a look and inched closer. Goto gave himself up for lost.

He was saved unexpectedly by Rin, who emerged from behind an enormous box of glittery jeans. “Here,” he said, tossing a jacket to Goto. It landed on Adachi’s head, temporarily obscuring the pout. Goto grabbed for it just as the photographer’s assistant poked her head into the room and demanded to know what was taking so long.

“We’ll be right there,” Goto said, eyeing Rin’s getup. “And why are you wearing a purple bandana?”

Rin smiled ominously and brandished a fistful of material. “Oh, don’t worry. There’s plenty for all of us.”

Goto groaned.

“Coming, Leader?” Sakurai called from the door. Tsukioka, sensing a new target, bounced over to him.

“Ne, ne, Yuuichi, wouldn’t a puppy be great?”

“No,” said Sakurai, throwing an arm around Tsukioka’s shoulders in a brief half-hug. “What if it was cuter than you? You wouldn’t want competition, would you?”

Tsukioka hummed thoughtfully and disappeared into the hall. The others followed, Adachi and Rin squabbling agreeably over the bandanas. Goto began to hope that they might just make it through the afternoon without any more talk of pets or other insanity.


But as luck would have it, the first thing Goto saw when 5*STAR tumbled into the magazine studio was a pile of enormous stuffed puppies. Also, the photographer appeared to be juggling two handheld cameras. He paused briefly when Yasu-san introduced him as Marcos Del Posey, world-famous idol photographer.

“Some say PHOTOGRAPHER,” declared Marcos. “Some say… MAGICIAN.” He beamed and tossed his hair at them. “Today, we will start with the stuffy puppy shot. Marcos invented the stuffy puppy shot! Now, smile preeetty-preeeetty!”

They all sprawled in front of the backdrop with their usual disregard for personal space (“CLOSER!” shouted Marcos, throwing the two cameras to his assistant and whipping out a third one from somewhere. “Yes! That is BETTER! MY INNER FANGIRL LOVES IT!”). Goto, squished between an unnatural lump of stuffing on one side and Rin’s pointy hipbones on the other, got as comfortable as he could. He kind of wanted to go to sleep and wake up back in Maeda’s host club, where they had a lot of horrifying things but not giant stuffy puppies.

One of which, he noticed, Adachi was snuggling with a disturbing air of familiarity.

“Ahh, Hikari-chan~! We meet again, ne!”


As it turned out, stuffy puppies weren’t the only thing Marcos had in his arsenal. Sequined matador jackets turned up from somewhere, probably the Ichiband Weekly 2003 International Christmas Special. A snowmobile appeared as if by magic. Fog machines transformed the entire studio into a misty chemical deathtrap.

“That may have been too much fog,” Marcos admitted, and sent them back to the dressing room to change into dangerously tight pants. Four fifths of 5*STAR emerged with pinched looks on their faces, and Rin called them all wimps. This necessitated a display of member-ai that sent Marcos’s seventh camera flying.

Several costume changes later, Goto whispered in Sakurai’s ear where they were pressed together. “Why are we wearing superhero outfits made entirely out of bandanas?”

“Good question. Now shut up, snuggle your stuffy puppy, and smile preeetty-preeeetty!”


When Goto stumbled into his and Adachi’s room that evening, the lights were already off. Exhausted, Goto collapsed blindly onto the bed, only to be met with a faceful of plush.

“ADACHI. YOU DIDN’T. Not the stuffy puppy. NO.”

“Don’t be mean to Hikari-chan! We have a history! Anyway, how can you resist the cuddly power of the stuffy puppy?”

Goto groaned. “Fine, but I’m still the only leader in this bed. ”

To make matters worse, it turned out that Rin had also pocketed several of the bandanas.


“Reiki?” Goto murmured late one night. Adachi wriggled a bit where he was tangled up with Goto’s legs.


“Can you at least change its name? I never know which one of us you’re talking to when you say ‘Hika-chan’.”


But help came from an unexpected quarter, much to Goto's relief. During a surprise house-visit for Why Not?’s variety show, Flynn-kun and the littlest Yamashita unearthed the stuffy puppy and promptly begged it for their unit’s dressing room. Adachi—who had proven impervious to Goto’s best pout and all underhanded attempts at persuasion—melted under their hopeful gazes. Between the pair’s unholy glee, Adachi flailing at their cuteness, and Rin storming in halfway through, it was a good thing the camera crew hadn’t really liked that tripod anyway.

If the message boards were anything to go by, though, it was the most-watched episode of the season.
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